20 reason why canada is the best country

Two words: the beer

It's almost impossible to display our flag the wrong way. (Unless you're a Marine Corps Color Guard.)

Nobody refers to Canada as "the Great Satan". (They understand that we just happen to be his neighbour.)

The McDonalds in the Maritimes sell lobster rolls.

You can wear a Canadian flag in Europe and get treated like family. (Except in Paris cafes.)

Three words: Tim Horton's Coffee.

English and French Canadians always have somebody to blame their problems on -- each other.

Those bike-powered ice cream vendors take Canadian Tire money.

We let ANYBODY into our country with open arms. (Including criminals, terrorists and war criminals.)

The MacDonalds in Quebec sell poutine.

Most people in other countries (especially Europe) have to speak four or five languages, we only have to speak two.

Our Prime Ministers and their families don't need elite security services. They handle their own security -- by strangling protesters or holding off would-be assassins with soapstone carvings.

Visitors to our country always behave themselves because they know the Mounties always get their man (or woman).

If you don't like the weather, just wait around for five minutes -- it'll change.

No one will ever mess with us because we live next door to the world's only remaining superpower. (Unless THEY invade us, that is.)

We understand that peacekeeping doesn't mean "bomb the shit out of them"

You don't HAVE to join the army when we turn eighteen.

Bill Gates is an American.

Kids can ride the mosquitos.

One word: Timbits!

why you should be proud to be a canadian

Until now, I have been striving to use only my own material on this site. However, sometimes you come across a gem.

Here are 30 reasons why YOU should be proud to be CANADIAN!

(In case you don't have any reasons, eh.)

Smarties
Crispy Crunch
Coffee Crisp
The size of our footballs, fields and one less Down.
Lacrosse is Canadian.
Hockey is Canadian.
Basketball is Canadian.
The biggest flags ever seen/flown at any Olympics were Canadian....twice, the second one was smuggled in because they made a rule against it cause of the first time.
Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers ass.
Much Music kicks MTV's ass.
Maple syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworth's ass (...don't know about Aunt Jemima though).
Tim Horton's kicks Dunkin' Donuts ass.
Waaaay better beer commercials/contests and beer company give-aways. Hence the Molson Canadian House Party...where you get to keep the house. Trashed or not.
In the war of 1812, we pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White House', we burned it...and most of Washington under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so came home and partied. Go figure.
Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
The largest English population that never ever surrendered or withdrew during any war.
Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earths surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
We don't marry our kin-folk.
We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
Oh ya...and the handles on beer cases big enough to fit your hands with mitts on.
We can hum the tune to 'Definition'.
We all know that a scale that measures boiling water at 212 degrees and freezes at 32 is asinine.
We've ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
We wear socks (black is optional) with our sandals.
We can out drink Americans in a heart beat!!

OOOOoohhhhh Canada!!

CANADIAN JOKES
Here are some typically Canadian Jokes. None of these jokes target race, religion or ethnicity (unless your ethnicity is Canadian).
You are welcome to submit Canadian jokes to this site. Durty Dan reserves the right to exclude any joke.
Please include your e-mail, your municipality and province/territory.

THE JOKES (Contributed by Durty Dan)
ELEPHANTS
An international symposium on elephants was convened. Every nation in the world was represented and was expected to deliver a report on elephants.
Germany contributed a report: "The Elephant -- A War Machine".
France's report was typically: "The Love LIfe of an Elephant".
America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit".
Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire".
The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian . . .

"The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?".

NEWS REPORT The worst airline disaster in Canadian history happened this moring when a single passenger plane crashed in a large graveyard.
Rescue workers said there were no survivors and have retrieved 200 bodies so far. That number is expected to climb as digging continues. NEWS REPORT
A Canadian tourist fell into a beer vat during a tour of the Labatt's Brewing Facility outside of Toronto today. Plant officials estimate the tourist drank fifteen gallons of beer before he could be removed from the vat. GENESIS, ACCORDING TO CANADIANS
On the sixth day, God turned to the angel Gabriel and said, "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes teeming with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so that the inhabitants prosper, and I shall call these inhabitants Canadians. They shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."

You know the difference between the American and the Canadian Senate?
In the US, you have to win an election to get in.
In Canada, you have to lose one.

JOKES CONTRIBUTED BY OTHERS
YOU could be FAMOUS! Submit a typically Canadian joke (e-mail link icon at bottom of page). Jokes which are racist, offensive or not particularly funny will be rejected.

Top Ten Reasons For Being Canadian
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge frigging shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
1. It beats being an American.
Stolen from Cyber Cheeze

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"
The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
Submitted By: [name witheld on request]

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were captured by terrorists.
The terrorist leader said, "Before we shoot you, you will be allowed last words. Please let me know what you wish to talk about."
The Englishman replied, "I wish to speak of loyalty and service to the crown."
The Canadian replied, "Since you are involved in a question of national purpose, national identity, and secession, I wish to talk about the history of constitutional process in Canada, special status, distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."
The American replied, "Just shoot me before the Canadian starts talking."

Durty Dan's Army Life Page
Canadian Army Humour.

Canadian Forces
Being a retired soldier, this must be on my linx page.

The Royal Canadian Regiment Association
This is the unit I served in while in the infantry. Canada's oldest regular force regiment.

First Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment

Second Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment

Third Battalion, The Royal Canadian Regiment

The Canadian Military Intelligence Branch Association
This is what I did for the last ten years of my career. I got smart and got the hell out of the infantry.

The Governor General's Horse Guards -- Canadian Army Links
Complete listing for all reserve and regular force units and their web pages.

The Canadian War Museum
Dedicated to the sacrifices and courage of Canada's fighting men and women.

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police
The Mounties!

20 reason why canada is the best country

OOOOoohhhhh Canada!!

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